The scariest thing I ever saw wasn’t the movie, “The Exorcist,” William Peter Blatty’s 1979 horrific twist on modern day demon possession starring Max von Sydow, Ellyn Burstyn and Linda Blair. No, the scariest thing I ever saw was Linda Blair, herself; the actress whose career was born barfing on a priest and doing bad things with a crucifix worse than Madonna; but I should back up. Once, I wrote for a newspaper in Boston. Early October, the office received a press kit for the grand opening of something, someplace called “Spooky World.” Billed as America’s favorite horror theme park “SpOOOOOkeee World!!” went the theme song some of you know all too well. SP would go on to be big, really big, Foxboro Stadium big but it started as a humble hundred acres in the hilly Berkshires of Massachusetts. The press kit was a goth’s dream: dozens of plastic spiders came tumbling out when I tore into the large manila envelope, followed by a spray of candy corn and a dozen 8x10 glossies of slasher/horror film stars, folks like Robert Englund, aka Freddy Krueger and C G Graham, the 20th guy to play Jason, plus a mother/daughter scream team from LA. And don’t let me forget Tiny Tim. The Tiny Tim would be there, too. Before he died. All these unparalleled frightsters, haunted hayrides and cryptic centric mayhem in the eerie, dense New England woodland. You could even hold a real-live tarantula if you wanted. So, there I was, opening night, rubbing el-bones with Halloween royalty. Across from me at the VIP table sat Mr. and Mrs. Spooky World, she sporting an oversized rhinestone spider pin. “I love your pin!” I smiled. Tiny Tim, tall like a dapper giraffe, was strolling about the barn turned banquet hall, famously strumming his uke. Freddy was mugging for photos and just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, I realized I was staring at Linda Blair. The actual LINDA BLAIR in the flesh and blood seated on the other side of the room. I was transfixed. She was eating potato salad and laughing and eating. About to lift a forkful to her round, wide-eyed face when a small wet goop missed the mark came falling from the corner of her mouth -but she didn’t stop. She kept on laughing, baby-bird mouthed mayonnaise mixed with saliva, hysterical, her eyes rolling back in her head a bit. She just kept on laughing.
Shudder.
